Does self-confidence come from within or without?

Writing as a 24 year old woman...


January 2, 1987

Does self-confidence come from within or without? I would opt for within. Does it come from accomplishments or attitude? I find it hard to imagine just where it comes from. Does it come from taking risks? Or swallowing your fears? From giving up yourself to others - or what? I think it must be a sort of happiness that comes from within. It must be an attitude.

January 3, 1987

There are things about myself that I am unhappy about. These things I would like to change. Like biting my nails, if I could have enough self-control to stop biting my nails, I think I would become more self-confident. Self-control = Self-confidence.

Self-control doesn't come easy for me. I think that I want to remain a child for as long as I can - but why? It doesn't bring happiness. When I am all alone - the kids in bed and Cris gone - I feel very content, very peaceful, no anxiety.

I found a saying on a teabag this morning, it said "We are given two ears and only one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak". Good advise. I do feel a lack of control when it comes to speaking. I say a lot - whatever seems to pop into my head, which is always a bit much. I've tried recently to consider just what it is I want to say before I launch into the suicidal mission of speaking. It is an attempt at self-control. I should really try to practice self-control in everything I do. Nail biting, speaking, eating, even movements and wanderings. Phebe Hanson said it was good for self-control to read something for only five minutes a day - everyday - it might take a very long time to finish a book but you will have learned a lot in the process. If only I could begin - to read, to exercise, to stop biting my nails, to think before I speak, to control my actions - I must begin.

Cris will (possibly) be leaving for about two weeks. I hope I can have enough nerve to begin even the simplest of actions: to begin to exercise. I decided last night that I must stop biting my nails. If I could combine all these "problems" into the same category "self-control" and if I could win over them and learn to control myself - then I will have self-confidence.

"Experience shows that exceptions are as true as the rules" Edith Ronald Mirrieless

"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else" Emily Dickenson

"There is no such thing as a non-working mother" Hester Mundis

...By the way, I still bite my nails /smile