I am on a Catherine Wheel

October 15, 1987

"Can you see to write?" Phebe asked, "maybe I am taking this atmosphere thing too far." We sit in the darkened room, lit by one window, uncurtained and a small flame from the purple candle that Phebe has brought.

Today is Martyr's Day. I remember being in class with Phebe last Martyr's day. What in the heck is Martyr's day anyways? I imagine it must be some quasi-religious day invented by those vicious Roman's in order to convert all their domain to Catholicism.

But maybe I am wrong. Maybe it is just for the simple people in the world who have made a supreme sacrifice to mankind.

Martin Luther King to further equal rights.

Gandhi to bring peace in his religiously split, Monarch ruled country.

Joan of Arc, burned at the stake, dressed as a man in armor to fight as the voice had commanded her so.

Catherine Wheel. What the heck is a Catherine wheel? Could it be as the TV show depicted? Wooden wheels, mounted high in the air with people strapped upon them, spinning in the breeze, being eaten by the birds?

Where there ever dragons? I wonder. I really would want to believe that there were. If there are wizards, there must be dragons. Might be a bit like Black & White magic, if there is good, there must be evil. If a wizard is good, his dragon counterpart is evil, if a wizard is evil then the dragon will be good.

Why do all the good dragons live in China?

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I am seriously on a Catherine wheel. Right Now. Not Cool. Plus not making people around me happy either. Either I am not clear, or they aren't - I don't know. I felt like I did when I was buying my house. Drive here! Drive there! Turn this statement in! Turn in this form! Are you disabled as per ADA guidelines?

I want my job back. I want my kids back. They need me. I want my room back. I want my server back. I want. I want. I want. I want. I do not want to be paid to not go to school. I want to be paid to go to work - like the rest of the world. work. I may not be totally suited to my job, but I am really good at it.

Catherine wheel, spinning. Spinning my wheels. Waiting. Waiting. Wanting to return to my comfortable routine. Please. I want to get off this thing. Stop this spinning. Please. Someone help me down.