Alexander John was born yesterday

June 6, 1982

Alexander John was born yesterday (actually on the 4th close to midnight). He was 11 pounds 8 ounces and 23-3/4 inches long! That is awfully large. Mary had a C-Section because the baby was posterior as opposed to anterior (posterior is when the baby's spine is on the same side as mom's - and anterior is the baby's spine is towards the mother's abdomen - which is the way babies usually are - it is easier to deliver them because that is the way the baby bends!)

We are going to see him tonight. My mom says he is really cute. I believe it. Aja was just beautiful and I would hope all of her cousins were cute!

Well, on to our baby...

I went to the doctor the other day and he said that he thinks the baby will be breech. He said he would let me deliver it normally if it is a frank breech, but if the feet come first there will be a problem and he will have to do a cesarean. I don't want that. i am still hopeful that he or she will turn around and not give me any problems. I still have six weeks to go (or so). We have decided on names for the baby - Zen Harris or Maya (no middle name as of yet). We know our parents and family are not going to like Zen Harris as a name but they didn't like Aja either. We are the ones that we have to please and we both like it! and Maya is a very pretty name and it is also East Indian like Aja. It means "Creative Power". I like that. Oh by the way, the doctor did an ultrasound and found that the baby is due on the 22nd of July. I thought you might want to know that.

We have rearranged our house seeing that we are guaranteed another six months here. We put our living room into our dining room, our dining room on our porch and our work area is in our living room. Aja's bedroom was rearranged and the new baby's dresser was put in there and filled with baby clothes. We are awaiting the crib to put back there so Aja can get used to it.

We are going to rearrange our bedroom so it can accommodate the cradle but we have to wait for Alexander John to grow out of it (which won't be long!) Moving the house around makes it easier to clean and when someone comes to the door and if I was feeding the baby I wouldn't have to panic. We even have a telephone in our living room, just like real people! Anyways, I really like our "new" house and we are all awaiting anxiously its new tenant. It is up to he or she to decide when to come.

July 1, 1982

Yesterday I got my permit and even went for a little ride out back of Bayport. What fun! I only got one wrong on the test - oh well - so I scored 96.We went on the 29th of June to Target and got a carseat for the new baby and a potty chair for Aja. She is so smart. I am sure she will start using it soon. She has started going to sleep by herself in her crib. I hope I will be able to leave her in there awake by the time the baby comes. Well the crib is all set up in Aja's room and the bottles are sterilized and the diapers are awaiting use. My hospital bag is packed and the going home clothes are too. When I went to see the doctor the other day he said the baby is already around six pounds and if I carry it to term it will be SEVEN pounds! Wow! That is Normal! I hope I have this baby soon - in about two weeks from now would be perfect.

I got a stretch mark from this kid on my right hip - how disappointing! I hope I don't get another one. I am so uncomfortable. I'm much larger than I was with Aja. The large baby makes me think that it's a boy - but still I think it may be a girl - but we are going to know before it is born, because it is breech and I believe there isn't a chance in the world that it will turn over.

Aja is really quite the talker now. She is into saying firetruck and then saying "ooooo" like a siren. She can say car (sounds like tar) and teeth. She clearly says Bye, Eye and Hi. She went into the bedroom yesterday and told her dad, "Butter". She was sitting in my lap (I was going to the bathroom) and she pointed at her potty chair and said, "Potty" I said, "Yes, very good!" Then she pointed down at me and said, "Potty". "Very good, Aja!" Then to top it off she pulled at her diaper and said "Potty". Now that's pretty smart I think!

Some new words include Balloon (Hot air balloons have been flying around all summer), Plane, Bug, Bird (This is not new but she uses it frequently and correctly), Wind, Cookie, Apple, and she is learning Candy.

Aja went swimming at Bayport Beach and she really loved it. We carry around her bathtub around in the car and she uses it as a pool at Grandpa Norm's house, down in Bayport, and at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

On the 9th we are going to David and Mary's house to baby-, dog-, and house-sit for a few days. It will be good practice for me and kind of a dress rehearsal for Aja. We will see how she likes a baby around - her moods and so forth so we can be prepared!

I wonder who I am writing to. It seems like I am writing a letter to someone, don't you think? I thought for a minute there I would get to an entry without another list. Nope. Another list of new words. I think I was saving words just as I saved my children's scribbles. All of them. I threw out a whole bunch, but I am cleaning out under the stairs and I found a lot more. How many scribbles would you find interesting? One or two? How about 12? It is hard to let them go. But I am going to do my best.

I like that I took a small part in my journal to mention the birth of my nephew Alex. How very generous of me - lol. His dad will become a grandparent in May for the first time. I am anxiously awaiting news of the arrival of "Baby Girl Fixx". Grow baby grow!

Boys perplex me....

March 28, 1982

I have a lot to write down so I am going to skip around a bit.

Aja is talking so much lately as of today she says: Ball (bha), Pop (bop), Juice (jewsh), Bath (bah), Gramma (dhadwa), Baby (bahbah), Cheese (cheesh), Hot (haa), Brr (as in cold - bwww), Foot (fuh), Nose (no), Jump (jah jah jah in rapid succession), What's that? (wazah), Goodbye (quite clearly). She says other words too but I can't isolate them all.

Aja is learning to run now and she runs so fast (about as fast as my normal walking pace) that she bumps into obstructions like walls, the desk, her table, even the door (when it is shut!). She is learning things so fast now, mostly words are her main concern, every day she learns something new. Today we were reading Tuffy the Tugboat (my name for it) and we went over the same words for about 5 minutes - boy, basket, boat and kitty (Kitty is another word she already knows - she says kiggy). She found the basket because it is in another of her books "50 Words to Grow On". Every time we come to that page with the basket she points at it and I say "Easter basket". Boy, does she get a kick out of that!

She is learning the parts if the body although she cannot say the words, she understands eye, nose, ear, foot, and belly button. When I tell her that there is a baby in my stomach, she points at my belly button and then lifts her shirt up and finds hers! Oh well, she is just going to have to wait until June to find out about the baby.

I am going to deliver at St. John's hospital in St. Paul. I just changed doctors. My new doctor is named Dr. Kuhlenkemp. What a funny name. He seems very competent and I am satisfied with him unlike Stratte. I didn't know if he really knew what he was doing.

Well, Aja woke up from her nap and we took a shower. She never took a shower before and she seemed to be a bit confused, but she put the stopper in so the water got deep and she sat in it while I got dressed. Then she hesitantly got out.

 March 29, 1982

Well, I really wanted to say a bit about the baby to come. Cris and I are considering naming her Bailey if she is a girl or Harrison if he is a boy. I don't really care what sex the baby is, but a girl would be nice because I had one girl and I know how to handle girls. Boys perplex me. They have different requirements - especially in the diaper region. That is one consideration - I am not saying that I couldn't learn, of course I could. Another reason in favor of a girl would be that since Aja and this baby would be so close in age, two girls would seem to be closer friends than a boy and girl.

This baby (going on to other things) kicks a lot. It seems to be more active than Aja was. Yesterday, he or she reached my ribs. Now I will be in discomfort for as long as the baby is inside of me. My back doesn't hurt unless I sit "funny" for a long period of time, which I try to avoid doing. I can't stand for long periods of time because my feet get all tingly but I can walk long distances.

I am constantly getting contractions. It kind of worries me because I wouldn't want the baby to come too soon. The doctor seems unsure of when the baby is due. maybe he will do an ultrasound on me. That would be nice. I liked that with Aja - and you get a picture! And of course they can see how the baby is doing.

I am looking forward to having this baby - maybe it is sheer insanity. I know how much work a baby is - not to say how much Aja and another baby will be, but still I am waiting. I have gone over all my notes on labor and that sort of thing. I am confident I can deliver without medication. Although, I would ask for something if my bags of waters (sic - lol) doesn't break like the last time. Of course we will take pictures and I will bring this book to the hospital and write down how everything went.

Wow, that is pretty funny. A list of words Aja can say. I think I should ask her to bring her baby book over sometime - I can show you how obsessive I was at listing everything about her life: first band-aid, first time she watched me cross the room, first  nail clipping, etc...

I am amused about my childish ideas about baby boys and their mysterious "diaper regions". I actually am laughing out loud. The same immature thinking really shows when I explain to my 14 month old child that there is a baby inside me. I am sure she was riveted by my explanations. I talk to babies and children as if they are adults. Anthony says I do, at least. I try to reason with them like they understand my arguments pro or con against having some cereal before a bite of yogurt, or whatever. Last weekend, ianthe scolded me for snatching a ball away from Sienna before she could take it from her brother. "Real mature mom. She is only two years old." 

When I do stuff like that, I am not even thinking. I am just acting on impulse. I make a decision. For example, "Sammie will like to go on top of the cupboards." I grab Sammie and thrust her upwards, over my head, up towards the top of the cupboards. Sammie doesn't particularly want to go up top the cupboards at the moment. She has been happily grooming herself near the hot air vent. Anthony catches me forcing the cat to climb to the top of the cupboards. "Put the cat down, Susan!" I can't stop. I am singular-minded. "Susan, Stop! Put the cat down!" Cat scratches and bites. There is much damage. Blood runs down my forearms and drips from my elbows. Then Anthony gives me the "Please wash those wounds carefully. Why did you think that was a good idea?" lecture. I feel confused because I don't know why I was trying to force the cat to climb the cupboards. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. I am in physical pain and want Anthony to comfort me, not lecture me. He helps me apply the bandages.

I remember reading the books and discussing things with Aja, then with the other kids too as they were growing up. I repeated things over and over again. I am like a parrot. I find comfort in repetition. I could read the same book over and over to my children. I would have it memorized. I wouldn't even have to look at the words. I continue to have the same conversation again and again with my grandchildren. I say the same thing over and over again to my students. Repetition is my friend. Before leaving the house for work, I look at one of the cats, and seriously announce that it is "in charge" for the day.

Since I am on Spring break, I took Anthony out for lunch today. I told him about yesterday's post. How I was frustrated that Aja spoke and squealed. I recalled that my mother was pretty angry that I had named my child "Aja". She had never heard the name before, so that made it unacceptable to her. She had called me the a couple days after I had taken Aja home from the hospital. She asked, "What are you calling the baby?" of course, I thought she was hoping that I had decided to call her by her middle name "Sue". I defensively answered, "Aja, what else would I call her". I remember that. I remember how weird it was to say. Cris was at school during the day, so I spent the majority of my time alone in silence with the baby. I didn't call her anything. I stared at her. I stared at all my babies. Why would I talk to them? They couldn't understand me.

It is very high pitched too! It drives me nuts!

February 3, 1982

Aja never shuts up now-a-days. She mumbo jumbo's all the time. She is just beginning to learn some words like doggie and kittie (sic). She says kitty without the "K" and a very guttural doggy like daddy in a way but she knows the difference. She goes "auf" when she hears us talking about dogs or when she sees pictures of them. And when she wants something (Anything) she says "Muh" and points in the direction of her wishes whatever they may be. And it is very high pitched too! It drives me nuts! I wish she would learn the words but it will take some time.

She is just beginning to run. Which is difficult if you think about it. We chase her all over and she laughs! It is a fun game. I wish it were spring. I can't wait until this winter is over. I want to go to the parks and play outside and things but it is so cold out that we can't and it takes 10 minutes to dress Aja to go anywhere.

It became a law on the first of the year that babies have to ride in car-seats. Aja just loves hers. It is one that we pulled out of the garbage at Laurel Street. Randy and Bonita threw it out, all it needed was a head pad and fixing the pad going around the front. No problem. It works good too. Aja used it as a highchair for quite a while while she was prone to climb. Her highchair tray would rust her food because the paint had rubbed off, but recently we spray painted it and last night Aja and I gave it a bath and it looks really nice!

It has been difficult to record these early writings, Nineteen years old, still a baby myself.I am annoyed by my use of exclamation points! But I use - hyphens - all the - time - in my later writings - and still today. It is like the hyphen is my favorite key on the keyboard.

I am embarrassed by the way I speak of my daughter, how candidly I discuss being annoyed. I actually remember Aja's squeal. It did hurt my ears. High pitched or sudden noises frighten me and hurt me. That is an Asperger's thing. That doesn't excuse my lack of sympathy for my poor tiny daughter. It appears my Theory of Mind did not expand to include my baby's separateness from me.

I am embarrassed by my poverty. I am confused about the car-seat mention. I had a small gray car-seat when I brought Aja home from the hospital. Maybe I didn't have a larger one - a front facing one. I used duct tape to fix the head rest on the dumpster baby-seat. The highchair was given to me by my parents. They gave me my cradle, crib, highchair and rocking chair. They were all the same ones that I used. I had all second hand things. The ladies that I worked with at the Daycare Center threw me a shower and gave me their old baby clothes. I tie-dyed the stained t-shirts and onesies to hide the stains. They actually looked pretty cool. 

I worked at a Daycare in Stillwater. it was a special program where the state pays your wage, while the company benefits from your service. The purpose is to pay for your training in period - or up to a year - and then the company hires you. The daycare did not hire me when the year was up. They instead replaced me with a new employee. I never understood why. As I think of it now, I bet that I was not the best worker, nor was I the best daycare giver. I really am annoyed by small children. I hate how they jump around and ask a lot of questions and hang on you. I just want people around me to sit still and make noise only when necessary. 

I am very tolerant of my grandchildren though. I am much kinder to them than any other children. I tend to correct the behavior of children in public: scold at teens when they are acting up, chide whining children, ignore snotty toddlers. Although I have a much longer fuse when my grandchildren are concerned, I do still get annoyed by them at times. My husband and ianthe sometimes correct my behavior. I sometimes make the situation worse. Like grabbing toys away from Lil Miss Danger before she can grab it from her brother, stuff like that. I do things like that to the cats too, but the cats know to scratch or bite me to get away.

I see how awesome my youngest daughter ianthe is at being a mom. She was several years older before she decided to become a mother. She struggles with some of the same issues I have had, but she is so much more graceful than I am. She is such a nicer person than I ever was, than I ever am.

Teddy Bear's Picnic

October 24, 1981

Writing as a nineteen year old.

Aja just flipped over backwards off our bed. She seemed a little embarrassed, wishing she hadn't been so engrossed with her radio playing "Teddy Bears' Picnic" that she flipped off into the depths only to be saved by the pillows her mother placed in that very spot in case such a thing might happen.

Aja just happens to be almost ten months old but she seems both younger and older than that.

In the months that she has been here, she has progressed from a small being (father says "small and flopping around") to a little girl who talks (mama and dada and various other sounds of delight) and plays and has an attention span of a much older child.

Aja and her dad play together as if they were best buddies. Aja never gets angry but she always gets hurt some way: bump on the head or something like dad biting her finger, but usually nothing catastrophic.

December 19, 1981

Aja is certainly growing up. This summer she is going to have a little brother or sister. She loves babies so I hope she likes having a baby around.

Soon it will be Christmas and Aja will get over stimulated, cranky and tired. We didn't buy her many toys because we know all of the people who know her will buy her toys, toys, toys! Then aster Christmas, her birthday will arrive and my baby will be a whole year old! I don't believe it!

December 21, 1981

Today, Cris took me to see a movie called "Neighbors" starring John Belushi and Dan Akroid. It was strange. It was supposed to be a comedy - a screenplay written from a book of the same title. It was supposed to be about middle-class paranoia but I didn't really catch the point. It was pretty stupid but funny in a few spots. I think Lampoon does the best comedy. Anyways, it was nice going out with Cris and leaving Aja at Gramma's house. We were told she was very good.

Today Aja was playing outside at Grandpa Norm's house while dad was shoveling. She messed up her snowsuit - got it all full of mud so Gramma washed it tonight.

It sure doesn't seem like Christmas is 4 days away. Today Cris looked at the thermometer in Aja's room. It is between the window and the plastic. It was 110° F! It was only 29° outside, now that is solar heating! I wanted to open the window and let all the warm air in but the window doesn't open. Oh well.

December 22, 1981

I am sick today. I've been sick but today I really feel bad. I've been wearing my pajama's all day long. I couldn't sleep last night 'cause I was coughing.

Aja opened up another X-mas present from Grampa Bruce and M. It was a yellow bib with a bear on it. Cris went shopping for me downtown today. He also got me some cough syrup.