Wednesday, March 17, 2010


2. Make your own recovery the first priority in your life
I have done this in these means:
  • re-evaluated my goals and expectations for myself and am trying to achieve.
  • Asserted my wishes to work, now must follow through.
  • Am becoming more selfish - guarded about my time - not saying yes to people I don't care about.
  • Trying to accept criticism - especially when it hurts - because it probably is correct - try to change.
  • Eagerly am looking for ways of things that will help me, not others, for once!
3. Find a support group of peers who understand
  • Call: Psychologists
  • Look under "Human Services" community crisis hot line
4. Develop your spiritual side through daily practice
  • I would like to learn about hypnosis and yogi/meditation. I should get a book from the library on these subjects.
  • I have been using affirmations.
    • Sue, I love you and accept you exactly the way you are.
    • I am free of pain, anger and fear. I enjoy perfect peace and well-being.
    • I every aspect of my life, I am guided to my highest happiness and fulfillment
    • All problems and struggles now fade away: I am serene.
    • The perfect solution for every problem is now manifest. I am free and filled with light.
    • All things are possible through love. Love is working through me to heal me and strengthen me, to calm me to peace.
    • I release all the pain of the past and welcome the health, joy and success that are mine to claim.
5. Stop managing and controlling others

6. Learn not to get hooked into games
It is very hard not to do this. I want to help and shelter Cris. He recognizes this and stops me but I should stop myself.

Game #1
Cris: I do all the work (martyr).
Sue: I'll do it all next time.

Game #2
Cris: I don't want sex if you force me into it.
Sue: I will remember next time, but...

Game #3
Sue: Cris, get out of bed.
Cris: In a little while (falls back to sleep).
Sue: (Angry) Cris, Get Up!
Cris: (Angry) I will. Leave me alone.

Game #4
Cris: I am going out for awhile
Sue: I wish you'd stay with me.
Cris: I feel guilty.
Sue: Don't, go out, have fun.
See Sue? You can recognize the games. Now Stop Playing Them!
7. Courageously face your own problems and shortcomings

8. Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself
Books to read:
  • Love and Addiction by Stanton Peele
  • Love and Limerance by Dorothy Tennov
  • The Art of Selfishness by David Seabury
  • The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity by Catherine Ponder
9. Become selfish

10. Share with others what you have experienced and learned

Characteristics of Relationally addicted Women
  • Obsessed with relationship
  • Denying the extent of the problem
  • Lying to cover what is happening in the relationship
  • Avoiding people to hide problems with relationship
  • Repeated attempts to control the relationship
  • Unexplained mood swings
  • Anger, depression, guilt
  • Resentment
  • Irrational acts
  • Violence
  • Accidents due to preoccupation
  • Self-hate of self-justification
  • Physical illness due to stress-related diseases
Characteristics of Recovery
  • Admitting helplessness to control disease
  • Ceasing to blame others for problems
  • Focusing on self, taking responsibility for own actions
  • Seeking help for recovery from peers
  • Beginning to deal with own feelings rather than avoiding them
  • Building a circle of well friends, healthy interests
Self-analysis by Karen Horney
Main characteristics
1. The neurotic need for

I like how my journal entry ends mid-sentence. I could laugh at this whole post if I wasn't so repulsed by it. This boring entry was obviously gleaned from a library book on being co-dependent. Just like my second blog entry , I am using my intellect to puzzle out my place in the world. This is a common Aspergian trait. Having to intellectualize "normal" behavior because it is not second nature to us.

One of my "special interests" was schizophrenia. I started researching it in junior high school after reading Sybil. I was fascinated by her mother's catatonic schizophrenia. I read every book in the library and then started devouring my dad's medical texts and journals.

After I had gotten the symptoms memorized, I began to practice. I liked to sit motionless downstairs on the couch staring at the small weaving hanging near the fireplace. I tried to sit as still as possible; blink as little as possible. I still can sit very still. I like to sit motionless, staring straight ahead, in fact, I amuse myself by sitting still for long periods.

My ability to mimic the symptoms of schizophrenia convinced a psychiatrist that I actually had the disease. As a teen, I was proud of that. It was proof that my research had paid off. As I became more involved with Cris, my inability to put myself in the mind of others caused me to "brag" about the diagnosis without explaining all the research that went into it. I don't believe that Cris really understood that I wasn't schizophrenic. He kept telling me I was insane. It was one of the ways he controlled me.

Since my Asperger's diagnosis, I realize that I don't see the forest because all the trees get in the way. I do not have a well developed Theory of Mind. I have only just started to understand that others have beliefs, desires and intentions that are different from mine. All the research I have done in my life never brought me the comfort that my Asperger's diagnosis has.

Throughout my twenties and mid-thirties, I was looking for a reason for why I felt so out of place in the world. In this entry, my new reason was co-dependency. The idea that I was co-dependent was comforting, while I read, and took notes. As a young mother of three, with a cheating, abusive husband, I was desperately trying to find the reason that I continued to stay with a philandering man. I didn't know my undiagnosed Asperger's was telling me to stay because I don't want anything to change.

Change is scary! I hate deviation from my routine. I am hesitant to make any changes. I consider getting together with friends to be a deviation from my schedule. Changes to my routine cause me to become exhausted. I am over-stimulated by being on-my-toes, monitoring my behavior, hoping I don't make too terrible a mistake.

My family has known me all my life, so they are not at all surprised by my ability to dominate a conversation. My family includes a couple other undiagnosed Aspergians, so we are pretty good at wrestling the conversation from one to the next without thinking about it as odd. My mom and dad had a rule when we were growing up that at the dinner table we could each speak in turn, the eldest (non-Aspergian), would go last. He could talk the tail off a brass monkey - he still can! My parents let him have all the time that was left after the five of us had had our say.

My husband's family however, has only known me for 12 years. So they are stunned when I railroad a conversation at a family gathering. I will sit in silence, staring at my plate, bored by their conversation until someone says something that interests me. I will look up and launch into a diatribe about subject, talking loudly over anyone who dare interrupt me or attempt to voice an opinion. I can see it happening. I cannot stop myself. I have the nicest in-laws ever. They love me even if I can bring a pleasant conversation to a standstill.

Since my diagnosis, my dear husband Anthony, has helped stop my overbearing conversational technique during family dinners. He helps me stop. He is my sea of calm. I love him so very much for the support he gives me.

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