I don't know

May 5, 1987

I don't know. It is not April anymore. I am informed that there are only two weeks left of school - this week and then the next. Papers are due: one for Humanities, two for Composition, well one and a resume. My final film is due, and my gravity vehicle, my self-portrait also. That is all - if that isn't enough! I hope I can count on Cris for support during this week! I must work on my film tonight and tomorrow - also squeezing in enough time to draw a self-portrait. Tuesday night I must work on my gravity vehicle and Wednesday night is time to write a composition for Humanities. And squeeze one out for composition? and final film? EEK! Friday maybe that film is due? OH GOD! Well, study for Art History exam on the weekend and save work on vehicle for Monday night.

May 7, 1987

Well, I wrote my resume and cover letter. I blew off my self-portrait - only finished halfway. My vehicle is operable and survived one critique and will be decorated for the next. I wrote my paper for Humanities. Only one more to do for English. Will EDIT film tonight. I am having trouble doing what I want with it. I can do it tonight - sound also - I hope.

May 7, 1987

"10 things I learned at MCAD this year"

1. That school is not real
2. It is a great distraction
3. Mothers are not as fun as single people
4. I need 8-10 hours of sleep a night and rarely get it.
5. I'd rather be home than anywhere else.
6. Cris is a better homemaker than I am
7. That I am totally unprepared for the future
8. That I better get proficient at something soon because Cris has usurped my place
9. That school is not a replacement for free-time.
10. It's hard to be alone for only 14 minutes a day in transit.

Just like my current state of being, I am surprised by time. Things are planned and on calendars and everyone knows things are coming up, and yet I am surprised. Surprised by Thanksgiving! Halloween! When the heck is Easter? Who knows? If it isn't a day like any other, I am surprised. Routines, I like my routines.

The plans I make for myself go right into my google calendar and out of my mind. I have tiny pieces of paper in my purse and bag that may or may not be important. I have 223 unread emails in my in box. I never listen to my voice mail, at home or at work. I found this cryptic entry on my calendar...

... I was mystified for a week. What did I mean when I entered it on my calendar? I could not figure it out. Then, on Monday, my daughter Aja called, "Are you still going to drive me to the airport on Wednesday?" What a relief! That was it! 

My poor children. They would come home from school. I would ask, "Are you ready?" "For what?, they would ask. "We are going to Kansas, we have to leave in ten minutes...Or...We are going camping, hurry so we can get the tent up before the sun sets!" It seems that all my plans have always been in my head. I never share them, and often forget them. I have a place for everything and everything is all over the place. I bet this journal entry listing assignments due will be a rare thing as I go through my books.