Monday, April 19, 2010

Year 3: My One Year Diary

(I am 12 years old. I am in seventh grade. I obviously have just learned some swear words...)

Today is my sister's birthday. I love everything she got. She got a red shirt and it had a cow on it and under the cow it said cowshirt. Today I was right behind <3 Ken Kochendorfer <3 in the lunch line. The lunch was horrible and tasted like shit! Oh yeah I am going to a costume party Monday night!

I took a fucking test in English today it sounded like shit to me. Lori Lynn likes Chris Hagen! He is a puss. We had a fucking lunch today a soggy turkey sandwich with gravy! Shit!

(Commenting on the letter to Bobby in which I asked him to marry me or give me a kiss) 
The entry above sounds like shit.

In gym we played hockey. It was fun. I gave up a real fight. Carol slapped me in the leg with her hockey stick. It was pure red. Oh my leg stung. It didn't go away either. We started taking showers again. Oh crud.

Today we got a new girl in our home room. She looks OK. Oh, in Social I couldn't find my token so I borrowed one from Heidi. I got the lunch and ate it uck! Then Karen Parish gave me a letter. It was a chain so I ripped it up!

We got our report cards today. I got real good grades. Nothing lower than a B-. Nothing higher than an A-. Pretty good huh? I made it on the honor roll. Julie was a snot about it.

Mr. Anderson, our music teacher is queer. He made me, Cindy, Diane and Peggy stay after for laughing. Very funny. I want a transfer. He's crazy. All he thinks about is lecture, lecture, lecture, talk, talk, talk, work, work, work. He's crazy!

My mom, Julie, and Anne and me went to Dayton's. Me and Julie got boots. Anne got hers at Schultz's. I tried on 7 and 7-1/2 and 8 and 8-1/2, finaly the 8-1/2 fit but I'll grow out of them. They costed $26.50.

(My daughter, Aja, can tell you horror stories about trying to fit me for shoes. I am a woman's size 7 normally, but I hate shoes. They hurt so much. I do not want shoes that touch my feet. I remember in junior and high school, that I bought shoes that were clearly much too large for me. My sister, Julia, is much taller than I am. My dad told me that when your feet are as long as your forearm, you have stopped growing. I wanted BIG feet so that I would grow TALLER than Julia. I imagine that I clomped around in the halls in junior and senior high school, willing myself to grow tall.)

We went to the IDS building and when we were in the elevator I had the hiccups. I was embarrassed. Sandy liked my new shoes but after we ate we went to a weaving thing and I felt like I was going to barf.

I like Tony. He is in my 5th hour math class. He likes me and I think we'll get together when we get our pictures I'll get his. I faked an excuse from gym ha ha she believed it.

Rusty thinks I'll give Tony a B.J. I won't. Tony is still trying to get me to let him feel me out or finger me. We had a assembly today and I saw Tony, Rusty and David. Great luck! Hey? Tomorrow I'll find out the month he was born in.

Sorry but I forgot to find out what month his birthday is in. Tomorrow I'll tell him I'll give him a B.J. I'll try to find out his address too. Mr. Brotzler talked all day so we couldn't talk but tomorrow we can't talk either because we got a test.

We had a test in math today so we couldn't talk. I kept whistling at Rusty in Music and he got real mad. Me and Kelly are trying to get laryngitis it is working. Tony reached over today to get paper and I put my hand down and he kept on squeezing it.

Tony was gone today in math. Mr. Brotzler let us play games. I played chess with John Norman and he almost kissed me. John Norman is a puss. Too bad tomorrow we don't have school. My pot in Art is done too. It's pretty. Inez told me Roger likes Karen Krumm. She's a whore!

We went to church today and Steve picked up Jameel Al Dossary and went to church with us. He saw his friends there. I have to sleep in Anne's room because my Aunt Mary is here.

I thought this Christmas was going to be a bummer. It started out by only getting 6 presents almost all clothes. I got a vest, sweater, pants, hat, dominoes and a belt but about 8:00 pm I found out I got my first period. My cousin Alice stayed over and will stay until Saturday. I have to sleep on the couch because my Aunt Mary's here but it's comfortable. Good night.

Not much happening but my period is heavy.

Alice is leaving today and Dan's coming over and tonight Ricky came "oh ick"

Sandy had her puppies. I spent all day in Julie's room with no food. She had 6 beautiful puppies.
1. No Name (Julie)
2. Fred (Steve)
3. Shawnie (Anne)
4. Bernard (Sue "me")
5. Wetter (Cyndie)
6. Susie (Jameel)


This year I'll only fill in the unfinished pages because this year diary is becoming a 3 year.

I got my hair cut today. It is a nice style. My Blizzard caller called today to tell me we were going to Snowcrest. Cyndie and Scott were going to go there but now they are going to Afton.

Today in 5th hour Tony asked me if I wanted to go to his house. I had to say no because I had to go home after school.

Tony asked me to go with him. I told him I would. Tonight I might go to Target and I might ask Tony if he wants to go with me.

I went to pick out new glasses today and get our passpport pictures taken. Also I got pants and a shirt.

All the snow is melting! Me and Anne and Grandma and Mom went out to eat at a Mexican Restaurant. We saw a mouse there. Shows you how sanitary they are there and also I got heartburn.

First day of Spring. All the snow is still melting. We didn't have to go to church! Yeh!

We got a blizzard today and got 10 inches of snow! Just when the other stuff was melting!

I got my glasses today!

Tonight I saw Ten Little Indians for the second time. Kelly is sleeping over tonight. I had a dream that me and Tony went to a movie, a baby one, and we were necking and all the little kids were watching us. How stupid!

My dear god if I don't see Tony pretty soon I'm going to go insane. I know he won't go for another girl because he is too shy but I love him so much the only reason I'm getting the yearbook is to have his picture. I'll put it in my locket. I'ld do anything for Tony. He said he loved me, but I betrayed him god help me! I know he's coming back next month. We got another blizzard this spring is a bummer.

(I remember having the biggest crush on Tony Torkleson in my math class. Like most very young kids, we just smiled a lot and made suggestive comments to one another. We never saw each other outside of math class. I never talked with him on the phone. One day previous to this entry, Tony passed me a note that asked "Do you like me?" there were two boxes "Yes" and "No". My girlfriend encouraged me to check the "No" box and I ceded to her pressure - not thinking much of it. Tony disappeared from school. He never returned. I never knew what happened. I thought for years - decades - that the reason that he left school was because I had checked the "no" box. As an adult, I think maybe he sent the note because he was deciding whether to tell me he was moving - something along those lines. Theory of Mind plays guilt trips with us Aspergians. I thought the world revolved around me.)

Today we made taffy for the puppet plays we are having. We went to Signal Hills and Julie got a whole mess of stuff. I only got two books called Five go to Treasure Island and Five at (blank) Castle.

The snow is melting again today for good. I had a dream about Tony, he came on our roof in the summer and I came out with him. We went behind the air conditioner and we were necking. My god I miss him. I found my locket and when we get our yearbook I'll put his picture in it. The AFS carnival is on the 19th. Me and Anne and Laure put on 5 puppet plays. The Easter Beagle, The Easter Battle, the Easter without the Easter Bunny, Happiest Easter in the world and the year without Easter.

It's Easter! I found my Easter basket in the closet. I found mine second.

Today is my dad's birthday.

Cyndie's birthday. I went to Jane's house to sleep over. We went all over the place and when we got back we saw Mark Johnson and three other boys. We raced them.

Jane called me up and said that she told Scott Johnson that I liked him and I don't even know him. She said he was Mark Johnson's twin brother and that I saw him when I slept over. I tried to remember and soon found out he was the guy who threw a match in my eye because he was starting the races, well whatever, he said that he kinda liked me. Oh well, Jane said she would write a letter for me to copy to give to him.

Today is Kelly's Golden Birthday. I wrote to Scott and asked him if he liked me, it said I liked him, and I do and I asked for his picture and hours and his phone number. I gave him mine. I hope he calls, but he'll probably chicken out.

Scott wrote to me back. He said he liked me. Jane will persuade him to call me. I wrote him another letter.

I went to Kelly's slumber party. It was fun. I had a dream about Scott last night that me and Jane were sleeping in the tent and Scott and Mark had a party and they came in the tent and started kissing us. tisk tisk.

I went with Colleen to Jane's house to get a bunny and I saw Scott. Rah Rah. When we came back Jane came with us. I wrote Scott another letter at the end I told him to write back. I'm going to Jane's house Monday after school for sure!

I went to Jane's house today and we went over to Wayne Knutson's garage where he was building a go cart. After a while Scott came. They were putting the finishing touches when Mark came with Mike and Jane said, "Scott, you should marry Sue cause she's a rich girl." I go, Jane and Mark and Mike and Wayne carrying on about it with me and Scott quietly listening.

I went over to Jane's house and played with her, Scott, Mark, Duke, Snick, and Eva. Scott called! Mark forced him but I don't care! At Jane's house he bought me a candy pacifier! Ha, Ha. He did it as a joke. I kept the part you can't eat! I weighed me today. I weighed 90 pounds! but I'm back to 95.

May Memoranda
Jane is smart

Out of school at last! We had 3 finals today!

Today I read Heidi Grows Up. It was the most beautiful story I've ever read. Tomorrow I will read, Heidi's Children. At the end of Heidi Grows Up, Peter married Heidi. I've learnt a lot from Heidi and I wish I could go on reading about her forever.

I read Heidi's Children. It was as good as the last one. Peter and Heidi had twins, one boy and one girl. They named them Tobi and Marta which was called Martali which means little Marta. Peter's mother called Peter, Peterli in the book the Grand father dies it was sad and I had to take a break from reading I cried so much.

(I grew up in a house full of books. I taught myself to read when I was in kindergarten. I had received the Eye Book for Christmas. That night, I lay under the tree with the book. It was lit by the tree lights. I looked at the letters and made the noises they made. I remember making the sudden discovery of the trick. I understood how the sounds made the words. I read the book in awe. I loved to read. There were always books available to me at whatever reading level I was at at the time. By sixth grade I was reading at a much higher level than my peers. I read fast, gathering the information without bothering to pronounce the words in my head. The two days that I read the Heidi sequels are memorable to me because I remember reading all day long in my bedroom. I started in the morning after breakfast and was finished with each book before dinner. Reading is an activity that I lose myself in. I bite my nails way down past the quick. I will consume a book without stopping if I don't force myself to stop.)

I went to the Book Mobile and got out Heidi and read it. I have to tell you that I loved that book the best. Did you know that Peter is 6 years older than Heidi? Also I cried so much when she was unhappy in Frankfort. I was actually taking Heidi's place. But I thought it was funny when Peter was so jealous and threw Clara's chair down the mountain!

I started reading Heidi over again because I loved it so. I also went back over the books in Heidi. My favorite part is about Peter throwing the chair. In Heidi Grows up it's when Peter marries Heidi, but in Heidi's Children it is a part of a poem...
Even death is not unkind
when living love is left behind
isn't it beautiful?

Today I found another Heidi book but it is in all English form and different in some places. Also we had a rain storm. It was raining very bad so I went outside put the ginkgos under the shelter of our roof. I was outside today and it was so pretty upside down. I like it that way better.

(I remember laying in the front yard - there was a slight slope - and wondering how gravity kept us on the earth...)

I went to Jane's house and we saw Scott and he caught a chipmunk. When I was looking at it I was talking to Mark because Scott was building a cage for the chipmunk, well anyway Mark said, "See Scott caught this chipmunk for you!" I go, "I bet, he wouldn't catch me a lady priest!" and the whole place shook with laughter. I don't like how Mark embarrasses Scott.

Madeline is very well. I went to the "Y" today with Jane. I went to her house at 2:00 but I didn't see Scott. Tomorrow I will have liked him for 65 days. Pretty good. We had a party for Madeline, Christine and Andress. It went well and was quite fun.

I had a good dream last night, Scott was laying down and told me to lay down next to him so I did. He was combing the hair out of my eyes and I put my hand on his waist. He said, "Sue, do you like me?" "Yes" "Very much?" "Yeh" "OK, mind if I kiss you?" "No" So he kissed me on the cheek. I said, "That wasn't very much of a kiss." So he kissed me (on the lips) and I smiled so he kissed me again.

Tonight at 9:43 I saw the spaceship of the USA and USSR. History! I went to the "Y" today. I have to think of some way to get to go to Jane's house tomorrow because I miss Scott. At the "Y" yesterday Eva said, "Why would you change your name to Johnson?" I said, "Who told you that?" "Nobody" Jane said, "You know you might marry him." I said, "Oh sure."

We are going on a trip tomorrow. We will be going to Wisconsin but I'd rather go to the lake.I had a dream last night about Jane and me trying to work our way across the USA to SSP we never made it.

We had to spend the whole day in the car. It was boring. When we got to New Glarus we found out the motel was full so we had to spend the night at a lady's house. I slept on the floor.

We got back from our trip good! Good night!

The songs on the radio make me lonesome for Scott. I packed my suitcase this morning, everything fits. I have to get a hold of Jane because I need Eva's, Tiny's and Renee's and Scott's addresses because I will write to them when I am at camp. I was reading a book, "How to Get Along in French" and I learned some new stuff like hell, go to hell, darn it and others.

Me and Anne went out to eat with my mom and dad and after that we went to a movie "One of our Dinosaurs is missing" and "Cinderella" it was OK.

Today Jane slept over and we called Scott. We had fun talking to him. He is so nice. The reason we called him cause I was mean to him today cause he was mean to Jane and she told him I wasn't coming over.

I went with Jane back to her house and after lunch we went out and played football. Mike and Jane were the captains. Jane got the number first so she picked me and I told her not to pick Scott so she didn't. We were losing so Scott joined our team so we started winning then me and Jane went and did the dishes.

Today is David's birthday.

I started school today. Scott and Mark are in my lunch. Mark is in my 4th hour and Scott is in 5th.

In gym today we played ping pong. My partner is Beth Pavlak. She's nice.

I'm going to have a slumber party September 19th. Today I stopped liking Scott and now I like Randy Heinz. Oh, he's so nice and I wouldn't mind him. I really don't want to leave Scott but he won't do nothing so I don't care. I don't really like his clothes either, at least he could talk to me. Randy talks, and dresses real good. Cool! I really like him, Mark's OK to talk to but Scott's impossible, the way he sounds it will be about 10 years before he does anything! but Randy's grown up.

It looks like during my 12th year, I learned about swearing and blow jobs. I am amused and a little disturbed. I never even kissed a boy, and I discuss who I would give blow jobs to. I wonder when I learned about that - who taught me - and did I really know what I was talking about. I sure had a lot to say about this year, judging by the number of entries. I remember that Scott and Mark were identical twins. I never could tell them apart. I had a crush on Scott, and only knew who was who by watching whether one could look at me (Mark) or who would pretend I wasn't there (Scott). I never had a conversation face to face with Scott. At the state fair, I bought a bracelet and had his name engraved on it. My sister, Julie, told me that people didn't do that - put other people's names on jewelry. She said that if he had given me the bracelet with his name, that would have been OK. I put the bracelet in my dresser then, and never wore it again.

1 comment:

  1. You know, we're really very similar.

    It's amusing now, as an adult, to read about your inner workings as a child/tween/teen and think of my own mis-steps as I've tried to navigate my way through this world, picking up as many "tools" as I can along the way. Like you, some of these tools I've discovered don't make sense until much later in life.... often causing me relentless stress and anxiety until something clicks and it all of a sudden makes sense.